Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
