i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
