I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
