When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
My balls are so social today.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
