Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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