Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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