you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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