Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
