I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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