that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize
