yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
