Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
