I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
