I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
