Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Dear god my vagina.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
