My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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