If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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