In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
It's blow job season.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
