So drunk its hurt
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Randomize
