I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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