I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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