Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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