was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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