Can i not drive my cunt home
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
