i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I need to sanitize my soul.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
