you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
