Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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