she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
