When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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