i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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