Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
