i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
