hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
