I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You ruined the universe
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
