So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
sex in a hospital.. check
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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