shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
