That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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