I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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