Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
