Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
