I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
