This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
