I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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