I only kidnapped one of them. chill
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
