just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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