It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
