Fine. I'll sleep in my office
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
