one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
