What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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