i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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