i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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