Kiss
Puke
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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